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What is your biggest fear?

What is your biggest fear?

Today my work college from Iran is hosting dinner for twenty people in celebration of the year’s longest night, which is only one second longer than last night was or tomorrow night will be. This is their tradition of showing appreciation for every second.

When I was little, I used to fear heights and spiders. Over the year, I’ve developed a new fear, much stronger and much more intimidating than an eight-legged insect (is spider even an incest?).

Time is now my biggest fear. I’ve never understood the comfort in saying ‘time will heal you‘ or ‘give it time‘. The way I see it, time is the only thing that you are bound to run out of.

Why are people comforting themselves with the idea of time passing? Isn’t letting time pass equivalent to letting your life pass? You can have all the money and pleasure in the world, but it will never buy you or bring you more time. Time is also a measurement only humankind uses. Of course, wildlife lives up to a biological clock like day and night, but only us humans do keep count of every minute, in some cultures even an extra second is celebrated.

“What a slut time is. She screws everyone.” – from Fault In Our Stars

When you really think about it, what is the one thing you fear the most? Rejection? Failure? Disappointment? Spiders? Will some of your bad decisions matter in twenty years? Yes? Fair enough. How about in forty years? How about in hundred years?

I see all around movements motivating people to live to their fullest because no one really knows when their time is going to run out. So why fear what is in your hands? I fear time because I know that is the only thing that I cannot control in my life, that is the only aspect of my life that I have no power over.

You could snort at me and tell me that in all honesty, I fear not having control more than I fear time. This is where you are mistaken. I love not knowing where my life is going, I like answering peoples’ questions about my future by saying ‘wherever the wind blows me’. I do not know how much time I’ve got, so why put myself in a box and limit my mind, body, and spirit?

So what is your biggest fear and can you face it every day as I do? Do something instead of killing time because time is killing you. Spreading kindness around the world might be a great starting point.

This piece was originally featured on my old blog on December 21st, 2014. It has now been edited November 23rd, 2018.

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